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or off by using the "Page Bookmarks" menu on the left and selecting
the "Music Player" link. You can then return to the place on the
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I have been
busy trying to bring you new things Tribe. I hope you like the
design changes here and the home page. The page should open faster and I have added several
new pages. You can get to everything from the home page.
SMOoooOTH
by
CARLOS SANTANA / ROB THOMAS
Nah... you little colorectal polyps, this is spring time
so I needed a change. I redesigned the page from scratch
because it was gummed up with bad code.
I just smoooothed it out 'n' not because I am getting
old.
ADULT WARNING If adult material is not what you like, hit the back button, take a hike Adult material down below If you're under 18 ya gotta go
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like what you see sign up now so you don't miss
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Join
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If anything new is added you will be able to get to it from
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I recently added a lot of new videos and some fun pages.
Bring a smile to our faces and sign our guestbook
( 8 o
WELCOME TO THE CAMPFIRE
NOW PLAYING
KEWL FLASH
Two new movies this week
CAMPFIRE CINEMA
Two new videos this week
CAMPFIRE AUDIO
One Funny
Audio this week
Popcorn, soda, and
Elvis' famous fried peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches not included.
I f
laughs are what you seek,
Split
right now, take a leak
CAUSE IT'S
Written to Rexall Drug's Customer
Service Center:
Dear Carb Solutions,
I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I
tried your Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut
Butter
(Serial Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704)
for the first time. The bar was a substitute for
my dinner because I was on the road.
I want you to know that I have discovered your
secret formula for weight loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will
make something so truly disgusting in taste that it makes the victim
. . . err, uhhh . . . "dieter" not want to eat
anything because they're physically nauseous.
This morning I defecated an exact replica of the
bar I ate last night. I plan on taking my feces and your bar to
shopping malls and asking people to take a bite of each and see if
they can tell the difference.
It is true that my butt won't be able to produce
as many "Taste Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar
it will be a nice second income for me. Like your company, I will
probably only be able to sell one bar to a customer before they
decide never to buy from me again -- so I'll have to keep moving all
of the time. They'll probably make a movie about me.
Signed:
Soon to be your competitor.
( 8 o
funny jokes
Doctor Stories
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio,
TX
* * * * * *
At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall.
Big breaths," I instructed.
Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
* * * * * *
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive
internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba,
Canada
* * * * * *
I was performing a complete physical, including
the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the
chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left."
Again, a flawless read.
Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large
E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA
* * * * * *
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications.
Which one?" I asked.
The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
* * * * * *
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look
of complete confusion she answered.
Why, not for about twenty years when my husband
was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
* * * * * *
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * *
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.
He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Won't admit his name
( 8 o
That's a Cat's Meow
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the
station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red
wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose
tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a firefighter's
helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter
says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The firefighter takes a closer look and notices
the girl has tied her wagon to the dog's collar and the cat's
testicles.
"Little Partner," the firefighter says, "I don't
want to tell you
how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that
rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl a little perturbed replies
thoughtfully,
"You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a
fuckin' siren."
National Gator Dietary
Supplement Guide
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the
swamp near Washington, DC.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,
"I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the
same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
Well," said the big 'gator, What you been eatin'
boy?"
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small
'gator.
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'to other side of the swamp near the parkin'
lot by the capitol."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and
wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on
the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your
problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time
you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, there ain't
nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase.
Our
Corn consultant worked real hard for about three minutes this week
bringing you this weeks crop. Unfortunately his efforts fell short
of my expectations. His job is in jeopardy of being outsourced only
I don't know anyone that can do a worse job.
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned
pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his
two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the
sheet.
Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him
over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said,
"Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's
burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and
Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes"
"What? He had two assholes! said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.
Every
time we went to town, folks would say,
“Here comes Bubba with them two ASSHOLES”
I think the person that wrote this
joke is an anal retentive, anal reprehensible A-HO, or just a plain ole asshole.
Pipe Layin' Granny
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a
boardinghouse, broke her leg.
As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not
to climb any stairs.
Several months later, the doctor took off the
cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old
lady.
"Yes," he replied.
"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of
shimmying up and down that drainpipe!"
Talking about pipes, with crap
like this I think our corn consultant has graduated from rolling and
smoking his own crop to puffing on the old crack pipe.
Some crazy shit this week eh
little pukes?
The country doctor was just returning from a
delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the
town's gossip.
"Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?"
"Well, the child was born without a penis," the
doctor said.
"Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with
a smile on her face, she turned in a hurry to head into town to
spread the juicy news.
Before she could take off to spread her slime, the
doctor quickly grabbed her arm, bent his head over and whispered in
her ear,
"But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in
20 years!"
Do You Know Where Your Nuts Are Today?
This week's
psychology lesson:
Insane:
Mentally deranged or disturbed. Not wrapped too tight. A couple of
beers short of a six-pack, lights are on but nobody's home, coo-coo,
the relative living down in the basement that nobody talks about, or
a person who babbles incoherently on the sidewalk. Maybe even the
guy driving down the street in his car with a motorcycle helmet on
while pressing his thumb up against the rearview mirror, thinking
that pressing his thumb up against the rearview mirror and holding
it there, while he's driving, serves an actual purpose. Not that I
know someone who does that. Or that the person lives in my basement
or anything. Just giving a hypothetical example of sorts. Yeah,
that's it.
Blessed are the cracked: For it is they who let in the
light.
Driver fined for 'having a face
like a moron'
A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he
fined a driver for "having a face like a moron and being a big
monkey".
Marius Vlasceanu pulled over Gheorghe Tosa as he
drove through Craiova in Romania, local daily Jurnalul National
reported.
But Tosa failed to see the funny side as Vlasceanu
fined him £22 and handed him a ticket explaining the reason for the
fine was "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".
Head of the Romanian police Dan Fatuloiu said
Vlasceanu, who claimed he had handed out the fine as a joke, had
been demoted for "inappropriate behavior and defaming the police
force".
He has now been given a desk job in a remote
village.
This Weeks Planter's Award
Sexy Professions
Three couples were married and stayed at the same
hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by
Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself,
"What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to
trot".
The second man married a telephone operator.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself,
"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have
sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".
The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself,
"Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too
frigid".
The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in
the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for
breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the
day.
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's
husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and
Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and
his hair nicely combed.
Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a
nurse.
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a
nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, "You're
not sanitary, you're not sanitary."
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
The telephone operator's husband called for
breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best.
The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators
are supposed to be as sexy as their voices."
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a
telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice
saying, "You're three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the
teachers husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called
for breakfast.
Dave can't believe it but quickly took the
breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave took
a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair
was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
Joe fearing the worst, asked " What happened to
you? Did you have a fight?"
The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when
you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night
was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and
over, until we get right."
( 8 o
Good Ole Religion
There once was an artist claimed
Saint, Who swallowed
some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colorful lack of
restraint
It's K with me if it's K with you....K?
The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face,
saying, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I
belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a
Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not
intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who did this to stand and
ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to
face me and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be
forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful. Now please stand
and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a
body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was
bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Reverend there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux
Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard
under the sheets!"
The preacher fainted.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint
Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said,
"I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week,
but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be
an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the
first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and
asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no
way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've
always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest
disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the
Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
"Will you have any trouble locating them?" he
asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter.
"He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the
second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire,
somewhere in North Dakota."
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in
for coronary surgery.
The operation went well, and as the groggy man
regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy
waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun
said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you
intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but
she's a spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun
replied. "They are married to God."
"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my
brother-in-law."
Q: How do you tell if
you are in a gay church?
A: Only half the
congregation is kneeling.
A young executive was leaving the office late one
evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a
piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive
and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the
night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned
the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
For years, the conventional wisdom has been that
the best treatment for a black eye is to put a piece of raw meat on
it.
Scientific studies have proven that while the raw
meat helps reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process,
using a cold steak actually prolongs the recovery of broken blood
vessels that cause the black and blue marks around the eyes.
These same studies have shown that the application
of warm, soft, and tender meat is, by far, the most effective way to
help eyes recover from the damage.
So, the next time you get a black eye, here's how
to treat it.
Woman's Wine Quote:
Men's Counter-Quote:
( 8 o
Miss
Mackie answers your question about life and sex.
We have a brand new Miss Mackie format
for you Tribe. She will now have her own page so she can broaden her
scope. Her column, poll, and comments will be on her page along with any
other offerings for your enjoyment.
She loves to write humorous stories so
this will give her more space, so enjoy.
The Miss Mackie
column is for entertainment purposes only. In no way does the author
claim to offer any sane advice. Any reader who actually follows Miss
Mackie's advice shall be legally deemed a dumb ass.
© 2004 Miss Mackie Malarkey
AskMackieNow@aol.com
I will continue to post the results of
her last poll here until further notice. You will also be able to view
the results on her page.
Last issue's questions, choices and results were:
You are choosing a life partner and have only three
options. Which would you choose?
A. Someone
so ugly they test your gag threshold, but is kind, loving and smart.
22 %
B.
A person so hot you have to change your
underwear three times a day, but is conceited and stupid to boot. 34%
C. A
regular visitor to "The Padded Room Hotel and Straight Jacket Spa", but
is fabulously wealthy.
44%
The winner of last issue's Miss Mackie
poll is "C" with
44% of
the votes.
Just goes to show you
that money and insanity go hand in hand. Make me crazy and rich baby
:-). Hell I am half way there LOL.
Click Here for the New Miss Mackie
Column and Poll.
PRICELESS
I'd Like to Get In Your Shorts
Q: What is the
difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute can
wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: Why did the
pervert cross the road?
A: Because his dick
was stuck up the chicken's ass.
Q: What's the
similarity between brussel sprouts and pubic hair?
A: You push them
aside and keep on eating!
Q: What do a
nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.
Q:
Why do they call it a toothbrush instead of a teethbrush?
A: Because
it was invented in West Virginia.
Q: How fast
can a woman go when she has sex.
A: She can
go 68mph if she goes 69 she will blow a rod.
Q: What's the
difference between a microwave and a woman.
A: A microwave
doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.
Two guys went camping.
In the middle of the night, one asked the other,
"Are you asleep?"
"No."
"Are you masturbating?"
"Yep."
"Are you having trouble getting it up?"
"Yep."
"Well, why don't you try using yours instead?!"
( 8 o
Gentlemen:
I have just received your letter in regards to the
bill I owe you. You said the bill should have been paid long ago and
you don't understand why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you.
In 1957 I bought a sawmill on credit. In 1959 I
bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a shotgun, a wine
tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on credit.
In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies
died and the other I loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to
death.
In 1961 my father died and my mother was hung for
horse rustling. A mechanic named Joe knocked up my daughter and I
had to pay the doctor $88.32 to keep the bastard from becoming a
relative of mine.
In 1963 my son had the mumps and they went down on
him; the doctor had to castrate him to save his life. That summer I
went fishing and the boat turned over and I lost the biggest catfish
you ever saw, and one of my sons drowned (not the castrated one).
In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and
left me with the three small children as a souvenir. I married the
hired girl to keep down expenses, but I had trouble getting her off,
and the doctor told me to try to create some excitement just as she
was beginning to get aroused. That night I pointed the shotgun out
the window while we were in bed and just as she was beginning to
orgasm I pulled the trigger. Well, she shit the bed, I ruptured
myself and killed the best damn milk cow I ever had.
The next year my troubles really started. My wife
caught the clap from the ice man, my son wiped his ass with a corn
cob with poison ivy on it, and someone de-nutted my best bull.
In 1970 I decided to go into another business on
my own. I ordered six bee hives from Sears, Roebuck, and Company. I
bought a swarm of bees and a queen bee all on credit on the
installment plan. The queen bee died and I ordered another one. She
turned out to be a whore and started running around with a horsefly.
The honey tasted like shit so I couldn't sell it.
So now, gentlemen, you say if I do not pay you,
you will cause me trouble.
Right now if it costs two cents to shit, I'd have
to puke.
Getting money out of me would be like trying to
poke butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot trowel, but you are
welcome to try.
( 8 o
INTERMISSION TIME
I know you all must be thirsty by now 'cause I can see it in
your eyes. So grab a cold one and hurry back.
Take time out to join
our members.
Take The
Tribal Vows to Smile
Be sure to visit great comedy sites at the end and
on the home page to give the Campfire a
boost. You know it's kinda like the monkeys do. I pick your fleas you
pick mine :-)
Today's Flash
Features
Two features today
If you are not returned to this
spot use the bookmark menu on the left and select Kewl Flash link.
There once was a gangster named
Brown, The wiliest bastard in town.
He was caught by the G-men
Shooting his semen
Where the cops would all slip
and fall down.
Blondes, Ya Gotta Luv em
.
A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the
beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun.
All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and
stops.
"You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been
kissed have you?"
The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she
bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.
A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks
up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.
He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a
great one, and walks away.
A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous buxom
blonde girl walks by.
She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks
down at him.
"Hey dude", she says, "Have you ever been fucked?"
"No", he says with a hopeful grin.
"Well, dude you might be because I think that's a tide coming
in."
Missy (a blonde) and Lisa were chatting over
coffee.
Missy said, "I've been experiencing a strange and
painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but
if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one
eye."
Missy took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she
cried. "There it goes again!"
Said Lisa, "Missy, take the spoon out of the cup."
My Blonde Daughter :-)
My daughter's name is Missy and you
got it....She is blonde. She begged me not to use this when it
happened but, I am in the mood to lay it on you now <grin>.
Last winter Missy had to put her
car in the shop for repairs. She rented a car for several days while
the work was being done oh hers. I had just arrived at her house to
get my grandson on the school bus after she left for work. We had a
little bit of a freezing drizzle that morning and the windshields
had ice on them and it was turning super cold. She went out to
unlock and start up the rental car to warm it up. She discovered the
door locks were frozen. After about ten minutes of trying to keep a
lighter lit in the wind to heat the key to thaw the lock she came
back in all flustered and shivering. She told me she could not get
it open so I tried. I told her to take some hot water and pour it
over the part of the door with the lock. She didn't want to do that
because she was afraid the water would freeze even more. She finally
got on the phone with the car rental people and they advised her to
do the hot water thing. She tried that to no avail and came back in.
She again called the rental company and had a long conversation with
them which turned into an argument. She blamed them for renting her
a car with bad locks. They finally told her she would have to call a
tow truck. She called the towers but the companies were swamped
because of the cold weather. She finally called work and explained
what happened and that she was not sure when she could make it in.
About forty five minutes later and numerous tries to unlock the car
a neighbor came to her door and told her that she just seen another
neighbor get in her car and drive off. She ran outside to the
parking lot and it was then that she noticed another car sitting
several parking places down that looked similar to the one she
rented. YOU GOT IT......All this time she was trying to unlock
someone else's car LOL.
Too make things more comical her
co-worker and supervisor promised not to tell anyone in the office.
Ahhhhhh but, you can't trust sneaky friends LOL. That day when she
left work all her co-workers had got together and made a big poster
and placed it on her car that read "MISSY, THIS IS YOUR CAR."
She will never live this down at work because someone
always asks her if she remembers which car she is driving LOL.
The Earring "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
Just When You Thought You Were
Safe
VICTORVILLE, Calif. - A woman has been sentenced
in Victorville to 25 years to life in prison for strangling a
neighborhood friend with her bra.
Karen Denise Chades, 40, became enraged when she
discovered “Rocky” Roque, 67, had one of her brassieres. She made
the discovery after an evening of drinking and dancing during a
garage party.
Testimony showed Chades first attacked Roque with
a broom, knocking out two of his teeth, then she strangled him with
the bra.
Deputy District Attorney John Thomas told jurors
it was a premeditated killing. But the defense argued Chades acted
in self-defense after the victim tried to sexually assault her.
Chades was convicted of murder using a deadly bra.
Stressed mum chooses jail for a break
A mother-of-three is to spend three months in jail
instead of paying a parking fine to get a rest from her 'demanding'
children and 'lazy' husband.
He must
be getting hungry or low on underwear LOL.
Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign
There once was a fellow named
Mitch Whose dick
could drag a ditch!
He couldn't tell by spasms
When ladies reached orgasms
But rather when their voices
changed pitch!
Lezbonics
1. What do you call a
cupboard full of lesbians?2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
3. What do you call 100
lesbians with guns?
4. Why can't lesbians diet
and wear make-up at the same time? ....5. What do you call two lesbians in a
canoe?6. What is a lesbian dinosaur called ?7. What do you call a lesbian with long
fingers?8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres
drowned?9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?10. What do you call lesbian twins?11. What's the definition of confusion?12. What's the difference between a Ritz
cracker and a lesbian?
( 8 o
I Know Nice Art When I See It
Ah, don't you just love ATMs?
I would be making more deposits than
withdrawals LOL.
DEMI SUM OF DAT PWEASE!!!
I would certainly call that an "innie"
belly button.
I bet he does not go without a
shirt much LMAO.
( 8 o
Below is a letter
published in a British personal advice column.
I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in
the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston
North, is married to a guy from Manchester, England. My father and
mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and
are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in
Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole
life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of
a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington
remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have
recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in
Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a
brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been
infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are
currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with
my fiancée utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the
manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our
team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at
least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.
gee SPOT
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Use the button for the gee Spot.
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