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May 31, 2004 Let this site load and maximize please. Music Player is in the top left corner Bookmark menu on the left. You can use this to jump to different sections on this page. This is useful if you click on other links and then return here. You will have to restart the music manually. If you use AOL and think this page is old hit the refresh button.
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KEWL LINKS AND FUN THINGS TO TRY Issues scheduled around design time. NEW LINKS ADDED TO KEWL LINKS by... LADY LINKS... Links Mgr. Visit Lady Linx issue below http://www.billthechief.com/ladylinx1.html http://www.billthechief.com/kewlinks/linksmain.htm The Kewl Links site will cease to exist in it's present form. It will now be dedicated to ads for other sites and fun lists that you may join. The new format will be ready the first part of this coming week. Any list leader or Web Master that would like to be added to the site please contact me billthechief@aol.com Make sure to stop by and check out any new groups or sites.
Newest Attraction
Comedy With That Special Cow Girl Touch. Gotta luv those bare back rides ye haw New issue out now http://www.billthechief.com/cactuschuckles1.html
CLICK HERE OR THE SELECT IN THE MENU
KEWL FLASH Watch out where you crash when you get trashed. Three new movies this week
This Weeks Funny Videos (2) Popcorn, soda, blunts, hoods, and dog collars not included.
I think things are getting out of control in our Campfire Cinema bathrooms. I thought I just walked into Abu Ghraib. I mean there were naked bodies everywhere in all kinds of sexual positions. You people have to clean up your act or the public johns will be closed.
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If laughs are what you seek, Split right now, take a leak
CAUSE IT'S
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| Howdy Tribe. As you know we have a new writer (Trish) with the team. She has a nice little page called Cactus Chuckles. I finally got a chance to talk to Trish in length this past week and we discussed numerous things about where each of us live. She lives out in the heat of the desert in Arizona and she told me that out west where she lives men are cowboys and women are cowgirls and there is no other place on earth you can find women like Arizona women. I told her "Is that so? When I come out there she will have to hook me up with a real Cowgirl so I can do some bareback ridin Yehaaaa". I kinda changed my mind when she sent me a pic of a couple of her Cowgirl friends.
I'll tell you what Trish. You may be isolated out there but I would bet this month's Prozac money that the government has something buried out there. If I were you I would check my groundwater LOL.
A farmer buys several
sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he
notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet
for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial
insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what
this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the
vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and
gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that
artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes
to find the sheep still just standing round. Try again.
he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day banging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he
cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and to tell him if the sheep are lying in
the grass.
No, she says, they're
all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.
LMAO ~~~~(8oD
LOL
Hey Tribe I am still getting that wormy corn from Mexico. I was hoping the government would release some of their corn reserves because the Mexicans are price gouging with this crap. But I hear the government does not want to open up the corn reserves in case we get attacked by Peruvians.
This Weeks El maíz podrido
Speaking of publishing, the author and publisher of this joke needs drugs and plenty of them to put him out of his misery.
A waitress walks
up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices
that the three Japanese businessmen
One of the
Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry."
FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!" The author of this joke must have whacking-off on the brain because he could not possibly have been thinking about what he was writing.
A man goes to the doctor
because he has a tape worm, the doctor says, "Okay, here's how we get
rid of it. Every day for three days you stick a gram cracker and an
apple up your ass and on the fourth day come back to my office."
The man is confused but agrees and
on the fourth day he returns. He says to the doctor, "I did what you
asked me to, now what?" The doctor replies bend over
and rams just the gram cracker up the patient's ass. The patient asked
what now and the doctor tells him to be patient. Moments later, the tapeworm sticks his head out and shouts, "Hey where's my fucking apple?", just as the doctor hits him with a mallet. Now that's how you get rid of a tape worm! The next time this author climbs out of someone's asshole will someone grab a mallet and put him out of his misery?
OK clinger ons, show us what you think of these jokes.
And clean up your own mess.
As you all know Donald Rumsfeld visited Abu Ghraib prison to discuss the treatment of the Iraqi prisoners. Some policy changes were made while he was there. A couple changes were pretty extreme. The changes are as follows: Prisoners will no longer be stripped completely naked. They must retain some clothing. They will no longer be made to wear bags over their heads because there are other means of which to blind them. Secretary Rumsfeld brought along a picture depicting the new standard operating procedures (SOP). I wonder if the National Red Cross will approve of these new procedures?
It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the Campfire is proud to present the results.
(1) Table results presented by the Campfire
~~~~(8oD
A man goes into the doctor's office
feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him
into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is
HAGS" the man asks. LMAO
The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants." "Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized." How the hell did this escape from the corn bin?
Have you ever had a hard time keeping a nice head on your beer. Hey, put down that salt shaker and get one of these like I have.
One lady from east Pennsylvania Had a rather unorthodox mania: She'd shave her dates' heads, Strap them tight to their beds And then masturbate on their bald crania.
A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks to himself, "Uh oh. What happened last night?" He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown. Again he thinks, "What happened last night. What have I done? It must have been a wild party," making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence. He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is, "If there's a God, please let this
be a tea bag."
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father took him into his study and said to the boy, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car." Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks, the boy came back and again asked his father about using the car. Again, they went to the study, where his father said, "Son , I've been real proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study! class on Sunday morning. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut." The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "You're right, son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
One day, after striking gold in
Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a
saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender. "We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right." The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon." The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner. "I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first." LOL .
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"John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit." Craig Kilborn
"Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?" Jon Stewart
AH, now we know he fights dirty.
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Oscar Mayer Wiener Song
His baloney has a first name
What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? At least when you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
At Christmas, a
little girl goes to see Santa. She climbs on his lap and smiles.
Q. What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ??? A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face Talk about shorts LOL
Take time out to join our members.
While it is intermission time why not give the Campfire a vote. Click the tag below and then click yes. Then use the browser back to come back here. Thanks, The Chief ~~~~(8oD
special three features today When you return to this page use the floating bookmark menu on the left and return to the KewlFlash link.
Here's to the girl that I kissed last. She didn't kiss slowly nor did she kiss fast. But she kissed so long and she kissed so sweet. She made things stand that had no feet.
Several months ago I was having some real bad back problems. I spent hundreds of dollars going to a Chiropractor without any results. My friend told me about the yoga classes he was taking for his back. He said it worked wonders for him. I took his advice and I must tell you three weeks into the exercises I was pain free. Another three weeks and the range of my back motions has improved 300 percent. This is one of the exercises I practice every day. I call it the Armageddon because it teaches you what you need to know when the bomb drops.
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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The blonde says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, licks and kisses her pussy for several minutes then rests his head on her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?" The older man replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way".
Q: Why don't blondes double their recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
A blonde and a
brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the
brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and
says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again... for no
reason."
Three business men were sitting in
a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The first
says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the
supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we
don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
Two police officers who were walking in the park, and they heard a single gunshot, they saw a man lying on the ground rolling around. It turned out the man had been walking through the park, smoking a pipe; he decided to put the lit pipe in his pocket. Also, in his pocket were some oily rags and a rifle cartridge, so the pipe lit the oily rags, which heated the rifle cartridge, which shot him in the leg.
Putting a bite into crime, thieves stole a White River Township, Indiana man’s pickup truck and cargo trailer Thursday, apparently not realizing that it contained at least 25,000 sets of Billy Bob Teeth. A distant cousin of plastic Halloween vampire fangs, the Billy Bob novelty items make the wearer appear to sport crooked, decayed, tobacco-stained teeth. “I’ve got a feeling someone is going to be disappointed when they get into the back of that cargo trailer and think they’ve got computers or construction tools and find out they’ve got Billy Bob Teeth,” said Chief Deputy Doug Cox of the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office.
A Brazilian crook shot himself in the foot while trying to burglarize a bar, then left a trail of blood that led police straight to his home, police said on Thursday. Police in the town of Petropolis in the mountains near Rio de Janeiro said they had arrested Carlos Henrique Auad, 29, on Wednesday at his home just about a hundred yards from the bar. Police said Auad had broken into the bar several days earlier and had stolen a television set. He broke into the bar through the roof again on Tuesday night, but fell down and accidentally shot himself in the right foot, police said. He left without stealing anything and went straight home failing to notice the blood track in the darkness.
He must be looking for a date LOL
There was a young man from Spartar, Who was an incredible farter. At the strength of one bean, He could play "God Save the Queen", And Beethoven's "Moonlight Senata".
He didn't stutter one little bit. He threw his ass aloft, And he suddenly coughed. And collapsed in a shower of shit!
And one for the ladies ~~~~(8oD
I recently went on a car trip that I take several times a year. Usually my wife packs me a lunch to eat on the road and she always makes me a ham and cheese sandwich. We got into a heated discussion
about this and I reminded her that when I used to work she used to pack
me a stupid ham and cheese sandwich (boring) all the time. I asked her
if she couldn't be a little more creative when she packed this lunch. I was on the road for a little over 3 hours and started to get hungry so I looked for a rest stop off the highway that had a picnic area to eat my lunch. I found a nice area that had several families enjoying a picnic and decided to grab one of the tables near them. They all greeted me and watched while I opened my lunch sack and removed a coconut and a hammer and a note saying enjoy your lunch. I hated it when they started to laugh at me and then during laughter they started thinking I was some kind of nut and decided to pack up and leave. Now I don't know about you but I hate when this shit happens.
Ladies, Don't burn your fingers but this is for you.... Pet his buns for the gee SPOT
Sorry but this item has been discontinuted.
THIS IS THE CHIEF TALKING MEN. Man your stations and be ready to fire when you see the pink of their.........
REACH OVER AND GIVE THAT BOOTY A PAT FOR THE MEN'S LOCKER Sorry but this item has been discontinuted.
FUNNY SEXUAL FLOWCHART POWERPOINT PRESENTATION. CLICK TO ADVANCE SLIDES.
VISIT THE CHILI PAGE FOR SOME LAUGHS
TODAY'S CLEAN CARTOON Use the browser back to return here.
LINKS Use you browser back button to return here or hold your shift key down when you click the link or right click and open in new window. That will open the link in it's own separate page and you can just click the x and you are right back here. Yahoo and others fight spyware and adware. Funny talking wet boob contest This is a really cool optical illusion flash movie. Hilarious look at asshole worms LOL hand Japanese hand whacker Check out this doctor's name LOL Keep on poking me sucka!!!! LOL MEMORIAL DAY LINKS
A Soldier Comes Home
Always look below here :-) to the end.
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