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SOME FACTS FOR YOU (just for shits and grins)

  Java Applet Not Shown.

I wonder what she sees in the mirror?

Use your mouse to find out.

 

 

 

 

With the heat of their passion quite high,

In the dark she had grabbed the K-Y,

But her burning desire,

Quickly set him on fire,

When she smeared that Ben-Gay on the guy.

 

 

The bribe that young streetwalker Stover

Employs as a sexual rover

Is-to hand-job police.

As she gives one release,

She will giggle, "My cop runneth over!"

 

 

 

 

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words,

"Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway"

Or, "Bless her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence." There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."
 

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all that bad. I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new Transplanted Yankee friend, who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe it?" said her friend.. "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss.."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread, or know how to make a biscuit!

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say "swanee," not swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swanee you don't.

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something.
 

And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!
 

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home." She says the most beautiful women in the world are from the South. So if you see an ugly girl in the South, you know she's from out of town, or there's some "bad blood" in her family tree.

Tks KTV

 

 

 

 

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, Sister" said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

 "Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now..." said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact..." said the old nun, even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful but that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt good being saved."

"That son-of-a-bitch" muttered the old nun, "he told ME it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for forty years!"

Strike up that band.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

 

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky. Wherever I go Chucky goes."

 

"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater where he sat down next to two old widows named, Mildred and Margie.

 

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm so the old farmer unbuttoned his fly on his coveralls so Chucky could stick his head out to breath and watch the movie.

 

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

 

"What?" said Marge.

 

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

 

"What makes you think so?' asked Marge.

 

"He undid his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

Well, dont worry about it," said Marge. "Hell at out age we've seen em all."

 

"I thought so too," said Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!!!

 LOL

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We trash em all here unlike some.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. David replied:
 

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Kerry campaign, but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 There was a black comedian on Canadian TV who said he misses Bill Clinton.

 "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1- He played the sax..

Number 2- He smoked weed.

Number 3- He had his way with ugly white women.
 

 Even now? look at him... his wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a
 check from the government every month.

 

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

 

 Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill
 Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be in production in Canada this year.

 

 When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
 

 American Indians nicknamed Bill Clinton "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.
 

 Clinton lacked only three things to become one of America's finest
 leaders: integrity, vision, wisdom.
 

 Clinton was doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly and Moe.
 

 The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
 

 Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do hanky
 panky between Bushes
 

 

 

 

Vice President Dick Cheney told Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy, "Go f**k yourself," last week during a Senate photo session.  Asked if he regretted uttering the obscenity, Cheney responded that he "felt much better for saying it."  The White House was quick to play down the whole affair, saying that Cheney was merely quoting former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders' advice on masturbation. - Bruce

 K.  Skillin
 

 

 

 

A Cheney spokesman said on the news today, "Yes the Vice President did have a talk with Senator Leahy and they had a frank exchange of views." Telling someone to F*** themselves is a frank exchange of views, so apparently telling someone "up yours" is medical advice."

 Jay Leno
 

 

 

 

In the Senate Vice President Dick Cheney got so mad at Senator Patrick Leahy, he told Leahy to go F*** himself. Leahy said it's OK. Cheney was just having a bad day, which really isn't true. I mean a bad day for Cheney is what, like three heart attacks.

Jay Leno
 

 

 

 

The U.S. Senate passed the Defense of Decency Act last week, which cracks down hard on public profanity. It's epidemic. On Sunday, three baseball players were thrown out of games just for quoting the Vice President after taking a called third strike.

Argus Hamilton
 

 

 

 

 

 

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.

Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap the that ass hole.

 

 

 

 

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married.  Did you?"

Leroy replied "I'm not sure. What was her maiden name?
 

 

 

 

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

  "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

  Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

  The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa' speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech."

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech.

So, If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."
 
LMAO

 

 

 

Take time out to join our members.

Take The Tribal Vows to Smile

 

 

While it is intermission time why not give the Campfire a vote. Click the tag below and then click yes. Then use the browser back to come back here.

Thanks, The Chief   ^~~~~(₈^o_D

 

 

 

Two features today

When you return to this page use the floating bookmark menu on the left and return to the Kewl Flash link.

 

 

 

There once was a girl named Alisha

who said if my pussy don't please ya

I' ll sell you my bum for the very same sum

just watch out my tape worm dont seize ya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young blonde looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

 

 

 

 

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

 

 

 

 

Q: What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
A: What are you guys still doing here?

 

 

 

 

Wee Hughie is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Wee Hughie and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough her pussy blows him a kiss.

Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else her pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

Wee Hughie stares in amazement as her pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.

Wee Hughie moves over and is asked,

"Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in my pussy?"

Wee Hughie say's damn you mean that thing can whistle too?

OH boy this one escaped the corn bin

 

 

 

 

Two men in Milan, Italy were hospitalized this week after dueling
with machine guns.

Police say Mario Albao and Loris Grancini were quarreling over the affections of a young woman when the discussion
"degenerated."

Both survived... Ready, Fire, Aim... and oh and I wonder if they had any weapons of mass seduction they forgot to use.

 

The FAA is warning air carriers this week to be on the lookout for "key-chain" guns. The tiny, Bulgarian-made weapons look like key-chain but fire full-size .32 caliber bullets up to 60 feet with "deadly accuracy..."

Good, now Grade School kids won't have to lug those heavy semiautomatics to school...

 

A Kenyan couple required police and medical assistance to get untangled after "becoming stuck" while making love.

The Kenya Times reported that police had to fire tear gas to disperse a crowd of hundreds of curious onlookers.

The lovers were airlifted to Nairobi to be separated...

Why didn't they just pour cold water on them LOL

 

Admitting his 0-4 record is not impressive "on paper," trainers announced that "Lucky," a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in Wuppertal Germany, is available for his fifth owner.

Lucky led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He nudged his third owner off a railway platform in front of the Cologne-to-Frankfurtexpress. And he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed.

The new owner won't be told of Lucky's record - they say the dog might sense nervousness and "do something silly..."
 

They should rename the dog? At least until they put the seventh notch on his collar. he he he...

 

 

 

 

 

Where did they bury the rest of him or is that all that was left?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a young lady one fall

Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball

The dress caught fire

And burned her entire

Front page, sporting section and all

^~~~~(₈^o_D

 

 

 

 

 

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "Then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest--he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one, he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right...," says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes--it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a runnin.'
An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell
'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names."

LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cute Pussy!!!

 

 

 

I recently had to get a new physician because I lost my last health insurance policy. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age and past health problems.

As most of you know I have been a little worried about the way things were going for me so I had to ask my new doctor if he thought I would like, at least live until I was 70.

He asked, "well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?"

I said "I did but I have quit on the advise from my past doctors."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, I did but I have changed my diet on my last doctor's advise about eating red meat.

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf / sailing / ballooning / motorcycling / rock climbing?"

I said not since I had a growth burned off my head. My last doctor said no more outside fun without being covered up or the right sun protection.

You know this hurt me because I used to be a good golfer and a driving range instructor.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"

"No," I said. I told him that I used to gamble and fool around but I can no longer afford either one so I gave them up.

He looked at me and said you are doing a good job but I wonder why you would even want to live to be 70.

Grrrrrrrr.....I don't know about you Tribe but I hate when this kinda shit happens.

 

 

 

Ladies, Don't burn your fingers but this is for you....

Pet his buns for the gee SPOT

Sorry this has been discontinued.

 

 

 

THIS IS THE CHIEF TALKING MEN.

Man your stations and be ready to fire when you see the pink of their.........

REACH OVER AND GIVE THAT BOOTY A PAT

FOR THE MEN'S LOCKER

Sorry this has been discontinued.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ouch TV Funny Movie Clips

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I am sure the Lady has a ton for you LOL

Very well done. A must to see.

Awesome Lady Liberty Fireworks

 

 

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I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION. WITHOUT YOU WE WOULD NOT HAVE A REASON TO BE HERE.

I guess I will have to make a page for them so they don't gather dust here LOL.

 

       

 

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Jump back

 

 

I guess his unemployment ran out too.

 

It is a shame during this our countries birthday, we are spending billions in another land and can't take care of our own here.

I think there should be a new program that is called

"LEAVE NO AMERICAN BEHIND."

 

 

LIFE

Is all about ass,

you're either covering it,

laughing it off,

kicking it,

kissing it,

busting it,

or trying to get a piece of it.

 

 

I hope all of you had as good a time reading this as I did bringing this to you.

I hope you have a safe and wonderful holiday.

 

 

 

 

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