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This web page is intended for people over 18 only!
The jokes and cartoons in this website, are only to make you
laugh but never to offend you ." Enjoy......
Just a note to say I am honored to be a member of Bill's
Campfire group and able to contribute each week. I do hope you
will enjoy Cactus Chuckles, as much as I will, creating them
for you. I welcome mail from you, as that will be what keeps
this going......the jokes. Grab a drink, sit back and
enjoy.............
This Weeks Kudos
Thanks for sharing RT
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go
they
take your house and car with the them.
The Friendship Turd - at CardFountain.com
Egypt unveiled the reconstructed sarcophagus of Pharaoh Ramses
Tuesday after much work on the ancient ruler's corpse. Ramses
was
buried in his pyramid along with his two hundred fifty sons.
Whose idea was it to name a condom after this guy?
Argus
Hamilton
A man in the Dominican Republic has checked himself
into the hospital complaining of an erection that
lasted six days.
You know what we call a six-day long
erection in this country?
Spring break!
~ Jay Leno
~
DO IT THE CACTUS WAY
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be
surprised at how many re-enlist.
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS
NEED TO BE CHANGED,
FOR THE SAME REASON.
One fine summer morning in Dodge
City, Chester the deputy woke up with a huge erection.
Not knowing what to do, he consulted Marshall Dillon.
"Marshall, Marshall...," said Chester, "I woke up with a
hard-on and don't know what ta do!!."
Marshall Dillon tells Chester, "Well, go out to the
stables and shovel manure for a while and that should
take care of it."
So Chester begins shoveling.
After a while, Miss Kitty comes walking by and asks
"Chester, what are you doing?"
"Well, Miss Kitty, I woke
up with a hard-on and I didn't know what ta do wid it.
Marshall Dillon told me to come out here and shovel
manure for a while."
Raising her dress enough to expose herself Miss Kitty
exclaims, "Why don't you just stick it in here,
Chester?"
Chester says, "The whole shovel full, Miss Kitty??"
Scientists at MIT have reportedly announced that they
have
discovered a new species of weevil that feeds solely on
the cotton
fibers in men's shorts. The researchers have no idea
where the
species originated and are appealing to the general
public, as
well as the rest of the scientific community for any information
that would help identify the insect.
They are anxious to identify what weevil lurks in the
shorts of men.
A blonde was asked what she had gotten on her SATs
(Scholastic Aptitude Tests).
Her reply? Nail Polish
Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
A: A dairy queen.
Nancy: "Corky, did you hear that while a female
chimpanzee
is in heat, she seeks sex an average of twenty times a
day?"
Corky: "Gee ... about 100 more times and she would be
just
like the average man."
The Rolling Stones are getting a bit older these days, although that hasn't
stopped them from touring.
However, now that Mick, Keith and Charlie are all in their 60s, they might want to consider changing the name of the band and re-writing a few of their best songs....
The Top 5 Songs by the Rolling Bones
5> You Can't Always Shit When You Want
4> Gimme Seltzer
3> Waiting on a Lung
2> Be a Burden
and Top five.com's Number 1 Song by the Rolling
Bones...
1>
(I Can't Get No) Rascal Traction
Did you hear about the girl who wanted to join the Army?
She jumped over a campfire and got defurred.
Was that Chief Bill's campfire????
A little boy was going through his grandmother's old
jewelry box.
She explained to him some of the stories behind the
objects
he found.
When she showed him the pin she got from nursing school,
he gave
her a curious look.
"Nursing school?" he asked. "You had to go to school to
learn
how to breastfeed?"
There was a lady who was in bed with
her lover one day, when she hears a noise and realizes
that her husband is home early from work. She has no
idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the
closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls
red with some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom
and opens the closet doors to get out some clothes and
notices the red balls hanging there. "What are these?"
he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up
on sale this afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they
are not making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs
them together, but all he hears is "uuuggghhh."
He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right,
let me try again." So, he pulls them farther apart and
bangs them together.
Still the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH." He is
beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am
gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I
am gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them." So
he stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them
together.
At that moment the guys
sticks his head out of the closet and screams,
"DING DONG, SUCKER, DING DONG!!!!"
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat died of electric shock.
Two nuns were riding a two person bike down a road. the
head nun was in the front and nun in training was in the
back. When they went over a bump, the first nun heard
the nun in training moan then giggle.
"Are you okay?"
asked the head nun.
"Fine." And they went over another bump and the nun in
training moaned and giggled again.
"Are you sure you're okay? Is there a problem with your
seat?"
And the nun in training replied:
"What seat?"
A man entered a fast-food restaurant and explained that
he was
robbing them. He pulled out a gun and put a bag over his
head as
a mask. Only then did he realize he had forgotten to cut
eyeholes
in the makeshift mask. He fell to the ground, where
employees made
a citizens' arrest.
(Fast food will do that to you...)
They said on the news today that Kobe Bryant will
soon
be face to face with his accuser for the first time
since June.
Face to face? Gee, that's not what I heard ...
A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of
day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of
coffee.
The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his
coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers
having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both
creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the
container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he
asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee.
The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being
before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As
she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream
are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes
and creamer packets in her bosom because both her
hands are full.
After she has served the two
plates she was holding, she returns to the man and
asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your
coffee?"
The man says, "Two would be fine."
She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes
and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" she asks.
The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says,
"I
don't think so!"
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a
manageable size.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather
Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they
can't remember them either.
There was a foursome of ladies about to play a par
three,
165 yards long.
Suddenly, out from the trees beside the fairway a streaker ran across the open expanse of the
fairway.
In a gasp, one lady remarked "I think I know that
guy...
isn't that Dick Green?"
"No" replied another, "I think it's a reflection of
the grass!"
You know you're leading a sad life when a nymphomaniac
tells you ...
"Let's just be friends."
I
hope you liked it Tribe and we will see you next issue
Hugs
Trish
I don't write these jokes. They are all submitted to me
or are from a public domain. I hold no copyright for any
of the material here except material which is noted as
copyrighted by someone.
~~~~~
CactusChuckles@aol.com
Hey Tribe this is Bill,
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