This web page is intended for people over 18 only!!! If you aren't over 18, PLEASE leave and come back WHEN you ARE !!!
~~~~~~~
The jokes and cartoons in this website, are only to make you laugh but never to offend you ."

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. And thanks to Teresa for the tags, she did an awesome job and to Bill for all of his help. A BIG welcome to all of the new tribe members. Such a GREAT tribe......

KUDOS

Thanks for sharing Zoey & RT

~Warm Little Hug~

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai Warrior. After a year, only three applied for the job: a
Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a
fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor,
neatly divided in two.

"What a skillful feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do."

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* *Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!

"Ah-h-h, that is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top
that, Number three Samurai?"

Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing a fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh!* flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room and the fly let out a high pitched sound. But the fly was still alive and buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly
isn't even dead."

"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai.
"Dead is easy. Now, circumcision .....THAT takes skill!"

According to a recent survey, 50% of the people asked said they have had a sexual encounter at their workplace. So the next time you go to your local post office and there's a huge line and you notice there are 4 windows, but only 2 windows are open -- now you'll know what's happening.

~ Jay Leno~

"I guess I'm sensitive about my hair loss. I think everybody's
making fun of it. I went to buy a VCR and the guy said, 'Four
Head?' --I punched him in the mouth."

Dan Wilson

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out. Or, as they call it in the University of Colorado football office, a recruitment brochure.

~Alan Ray~

According to Marie Claire magazine, a great way to calm down and de-stress is to think about an erotic fantasy. They say it relaxes your body, focuses your mind and increases your energy level. Oh, yeah, tell that to your boss the next time you're downloading porn at the office. 'I'm centering myself!'

~ Jay Leno~

"MCI blames do-not-call list for cutting its workforce by 7%, laying off 4,000 employees."  (USA Today) Who got the word by phone just as they sat down to dinner.

All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.

~~Michael Cunningham~~

Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said,

"My grandfather has a wooden leg."

The other little boy replied.

"So what? My grandma has a cedar chest."

"For it was not into my ear you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul."

Two little boys are playing in the dirt outside a "House of Ill Repute".
They watch a man walk up to the door and knock. Pretty soon the old Madame opens the door, looks him up and down and asks..."what do you want?"

He grins and says "You KNOW what I want"...she asks "How much money you got?"

"Two Dollars" he answers

She grabs him by the hand and drags him inside where he stays for about fifteen minutes then comes out whistling with a big grin on his face.

Few minutes later, along comes another man, same knock, same Madame, same questions, same two dollars, same big grin on his face fifteen minutes later.

Well, the two kids jump up and dig in their pockets and come up with thirteen cents.  They go up to the door and knock loudly.  Pretty soon the old Madame opens up, looks around then down and sees the two boys.

 "What you boys want?" she asks...

"You KNOW what we want" the two chorus.

"Well, how much money do you have?" she asks. "We got thirteen cents" they holler, holding it out in their dirty hands.

Well, she snatches one up by his right ear and the other up by his left ear and gives them a good shaking, bangs their heads together a few times and tosses them off the stoop into the dirt.

As she slams the door behind her the first boy stands up and brushing himself off says to his friend...

"I don't know if I can STAND two dollars worth of THAT!"

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night ...
Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

A man said to his wife,

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

She answered without looking up,

"Are you talking to me or the computer?"

The 99 Cent stores were running an ad for a box of
condoms for 99 cents.

Do you know what you call men who buy condoms for 99 cents?

Daddy!

Q: How is a bikini like a barbed-wire fence?
A: It protects the property without obstructing the view.
 

Q: Why was the two-piece bikini invented?
A: To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

The four newly weds spent their honeymoon at the Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.

   One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off.  It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed.

   Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray.  Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on and he saw that he was with his friend’s wife.  He jumped up and dashed for the door.

"Too late to hurry now," said the girl, "Joe never prays!"

Most women don't know where to look when they're
eating a banana.

Nancy:  "Corky, have you heard that Wonder Bra has come up with a chocolate bra and they are using Godiva chocolate?

Corky:  "Milk chocolate?"

Nancy:  "Yeah ... and doesn't that give new meaning to inviting
a man over for a snack?"

Customer: "Do you have any books on proctology?"

Clerk: "Look in the rear."

Now they tell me they grow on trees......lol

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

   "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the  
relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap buttered toast on the back of a cat and drop the cat?

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the
Braille method

You know you're getting old when you can't tell the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm.
 

 I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
(Myra Breckinridge, 1970)

  It's better to be looked over than overlooked.
(Belle of the Nineties, 1934)

Few men look trustworthy with their pants down around their ankles.
 

Middle age: When work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

The Top 5 Signs Hollywood Is Recycling Ideas

5> While writing her groovy "Six and the City" column for the
    school paper, Marcia reveals that Jan is barren, Cindy's a slut,
    Greg won't commit, Peter's impotent and Bobby just can't find
    Mr. Right.

4> The new NC-17 movie version of "BJ and the Bear" has actual
    bears and actual BJs.

3> Dolly Parton, Calista Flockhart and Lara Flynn Boyle have
  inked a deal to star in Disney's upcoming "Big Knobs and
    Broomsticks."

2> In "Pride of the Reds," Pete Rose gives 3-to-1 odds that
    today he is the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Hollywood Is Recycling Ideas...

1> Due by Easter: "The Passion of the Christ II: Freddy vs. Jesus"

No one is more special than you.

"Why did your boss jump out of the window?" the detective asked the secretary.

"I don't know," she sobbed, "he was always so nice to me. Two months ago he gave me a fur coat, last month a sports car and just today a diamond ring.  Then he asked, what it would cost to be able to ravish me."

"And what did you say?"

I just said, "The other men in the office always just gave me fifty dollars."

A girl of 23 married a man of 84, and they asked her how things  
went.

"Well," she laughed, "Did you ever try to put a marshmallow  
in a piggy bank?"

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question
the chef.

"Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"

Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."

The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."

Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage
and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks,

"Where'd you get those eggs?"

She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."

The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?

"No," she says.

The drunk replies,

"Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well:

'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

This young married man asks one of his worldly friends,

"What is Rodeo Sex?

Well, it's when you and your wife are in the middle of making love, both of you are on all fours, you are completely buried inside of her from the rear and with a breast in each hand, and you say to her,  "This is the way your sister likes it too."  Then you see if you can stay on that filly for more then eight seconds.

Try it sometime, it's great.

So this man goes home to his blonde wife and one thing leads to another and they find themselves in the heat of passion and he gets get into position and then he says to his blonde wife,

"This is the way your sister likes it too."

And she goes crazy, well its great for little bit and then she proceeds to kick the crap out of him and scream all kinds of nasty things at him and then just sits there crying.  He sits there bleeding and hurting in many places and says to her,

"I don't know what you are so upset about,
you don't even have a sister."

A blonde goes into the police station, goes up to the desk officer and declares,

"Officer, I have been graped!"

The sergeant looks up and asks, "Don't you mean raped?

"No," The blonde replies.  "There was a whole bunch of them."

I hope you like the issue Tribe and I will see you next week.
Hugs
Trish

CactusChuckles@aol.com

I don't write these jokes. They are all submitted to me or are from a public domain. I hold no copyright for any of the material here except material which is noted as copyrighted by someone else.
 

Hey Tribe this is Bill, Please give us a lift with a vote for all of us at the Campfire by clicking the tag below.

Voting renews on Sunday so vote again please.

A BTC Campfire Production all rights reserved