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Hello tribe....the wayward
girl has made her way back home. Packing for
the move to Oregon...hoping the house sells
soon. Missed you.
You seen my
new secretary?" asked the businessman.
"Yeah," his
buddy replied," she's gorgeous."
"Well, she's
a Robot, the latest model from Japan."
"Jeez, that's
amazing! What can she do?"
"If you
squeeze her left boob, she takes dictation.
If you squeeze her right boob, she types 185
wpm for you. And when you screw her it feels
better than the real thing."
"Sounds
perfect."
"l almost got
hurt once, though."
"How?"
"Well," he
grimaced, "let's just say I didn't know her
ass was a pencil sharpener."
Japan
recently sent the American people 50,000,000
cases of Viagra.
They heard
that our entire country can't get an
election straight.
What do a
dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both
used as substitute meat.
What do you
call twelve naked men sitting on each
other's shoulders?
A scrotum
pole!
What do a
coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both
filled with stiffs, only one's coming and
one's going!
I was in Taco
Bell for dinner, had gotten a drink and
wanted a refill. I asked the counter guy for
a refill and handed him my cup.
He said:
"Take off your top!"
I said:
"Excuse me? I will not! It is
not proper etiquette to ask a woman to 'take
off her top!' That's a rude request coming
from a strange man!"
The guy
blushed and said: "Errrrr, sorry! I
meant take off the top of your soda cup."
Conversation
overheard at the gas station between two
blondes.
First blonde:
"I expect they'll be raising the gas prices again
soon."
Second
blonde:
"Won't affect me. I always put in just $20 worth."
What do you
call a ninety-year-old man who can still
masturbate?
Miracle Whip!
What do you
call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between
his teeth?
Glad-he-ate-her!
What should
you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and
use a lubricant!
Did you hear
about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to
stick it out for one more year!
Dining out
one evening I noticed some teenagers
celebrating at a nearby table. When a blonde
girl pulled out a camera, I offered to
take a picture of the group. After one photo
I suggested taking another just in case the
first one didn't come out.
"That's ok,"
the blonde said as she took her camera back.
"I always
get double
prints."
FOR SALE:
GENTLEMEN
GIVE YOURSELF A TUG FOR THE NEW YEAR: Our
range of tug's and small craft is the
biggest in Australia. Call into our roadside
showroom and see Mr. Bates or his son Master
Bates.
Why dwarfs
laugh while they play the soccer?
Because the
grass tickles their balls!
A guy walks
into a doctor's office with a lettuce leaf
sticking out of his ass.
Doctor says,
"Hmmmm, that's strange."
The guy
replies, "That's just the tip of the
iceberg."
Q: Why did
the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted
to know how to cook food stamps!
I used
to work at the local cable company. Back
then we had to order Pay Per View movies
manually for our customers. One day, a man
called in to order the ADULT programming (of
course this was my very first adult
pay-per-view).
It was
obvious that he was embarrassed and wanted
to get off of the phone as quickly as
possible. Unfortunately, my computer would
not process the order for about 5 minutes.
Finally,
after being very flustered and eager to be
done myself, the order went through. I just
needed to confirm the order. Relieved and
without thinking, I said, "Thank you sir,
just let me know when you get it up."
He didn't
miss a beat and replied, "How much time do
you have?"
If Eve wore a
fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
A hole in it.
Victoria's
Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under
the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang.
Man with hand
in pocket feel cocky all day.
A guy is on a
business trip and he's staying in a fancy
hotel. He goes up to his room, and there's a
sign near the bed that says, "Try our
Oriental Massage."
He rings down
to the reception desk and tells the clerk
that he'd like to try one of these massages.
About ten
minutes later, this Japanese lady comes up
and starts giving him a massage.
He's lying on
his stomach and getting pretty horny. She
tells him to turn over and he does,
revealing a huge boner. "Ahh, you want wanky!"
she giggles.
"Oooh, yes!"
he leers.
She runs off
into the bathroom and he lies on the bed
waiting. A few minutes later she sticks her
head out from behind the door and says, "You
finish yet?"
Euphemisms
For Impotence
1- A few
parts shy of an erector set
2- Not rising
to the level of impeachable offense
3-
Disappointing Miss Daisy
4- Ascension
Deficit Disorder
5- Bouncing
the Check of Love
6- All Doled
up with nowhere to go
7- Serving
boneless pork
Mary: So when
my ex found out I was dating again, he
wanted to know, "What does he have that I
don't?"
Jill: Did you
tell him?
Mary: Well,
first I asked him, "Do you want me to start
above or below the waist?"
Grandpa and
grandma were watching the television
evangelical show and the preacher said, if
the viewers at home wanted to be healed,
place one
hand on the
television set and the other hand on the
body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got
up and slowly hobbled to the television set,
placed her right hand on the set and her
left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was
causing her
to have great pain.
Then Grandpa
got up, went to the TV, placed his right
hand on the set and his left hand on his
crotch.
Grandma
scowled at him and said, "I guess you just
don't get it. The purpose of doing this is
to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
Three old
guys from the twilight home were given, as a treat, a
day at the beach. And it turned
out to be a nudist beach. They were watching the
various young women agog.
When the
prettiest of them all walked by, one of the men said,
"I'd like to give her a hug."
"I'd like to
give her a kiss" said the second man.
And the third
old man said,
"What was
that other thing we used to do?"
A blonde
couldn't get on the Internet.
Help desk:
Are you sure you used the right password?
Blonde:
Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Help desk:
Can you tell me what the password was?
Blonde:
Five stars!
Help desk:
What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Blonde:
A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in
the supermarket.
YOU MIGHT BE
A REDNECK IF.
You have
bumper stickers on your snow blower
Only in
America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to
get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes and candy bars at the
front.
Only in
America.....do we leave cars worth thousands
of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage..
I sat with my
infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my
husband's channel-surfing. He
eventually settled on an R-rated movie in
which the actress was soon topless.
"Honey,
change the channel," I said, shielding my
son's eyes. "He shouldn't see this."
"It's okay,"
my husband replied. "He probably
thinks it's the Food Network."
A company now
takes the cremated ashes of your loved one
and compresses the carbon into a blue
diamond?
This brings a
whole new meaning to the phrase, "family
jewels."
When the man
asked his widower father why he'd married a
young nymphomaniac instead of a woman his
own age, the old man said,
"Son, I'd
rather have ten percent of a good business
than a hundred percent interest in a
bankrupt one."
Panties not
best thing on earth! but next to best thing
on earth!
Foolish man
give wife grand piano, wise man give wife
upright organ.
What is an
election?
Something you
find on a Chinese Blidegloom
The nympho
says "You're done already?"
The hooker
says "Are you done yet?"
And the wife
says "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling
beige."
"It has been
reported that Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter
is writing a book about her relationship
with her father. It's called 'Why I never
got close to Dick.'
Conan O'Brien
The waitress
was waiting as patiently as she could while
the guy was dawdling over the breakfast
menu.
He says,
being a smart ass, "I usually never return
to a restaurant unless one of the sausages
I'm served with my eggs is a match in size
for my own."
The waitress
replied, "In that case, sir, perhaps you
should be looking at the children's menu.
The health
inspector was aghast to see the pastry cook
crimping the edge of the apple pie with a
set of false teeth..
"Haven't you
got a tool for that?"
"Yes, but I
save that for putting holes in the donuts."
he replied.
Liquid Generation_Who's
Boobs?
(100 years of
Boobs )
Hope you had a good time Tribe.
Trish
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