Hello tribe, have you missed
me? I missed ALL of you. Been busy moving. Good to be
back.......enjoy...........
SHOOP SHOOP SONG
CHER
Please support the artist
What do butter and a hooker have
in common?
You need bread to spread either
I'm Joe Friday, private eye. I
work on Tuesday, Tuesday's my secretary.
Yesterday I was working in my New
York office when there was a knock at the door, scared me half out of my
secretary.
Then a tall blonde walked by, I
knew she was tall 'cause we were on the 7th floor.
The phone rang. It was a client.
I knew something was wrong because she told me there was.
I raced down the stairs, called a
taxi, the taxi stopped with a jerk, the jerk got out and I got in.
We took the corner at 80 miles an
hour. A cop stopped us and told us to put it back.
Then we were driving on the
sidewalk because there was a sign that said "keep deaths off the roads".
We were getting further out of
the city. I knew this because we weren't hitting so many pedestrians.
When I got to my client's house
she greeted me with a burning kiss. Then she took her cigarette out and kissed
me again.
There was a man on the floor. He
had bullet wounds to the head and stab wounds to the heart. He was dead so we
went for a drive in the country.
Then a brick came through the
window, hit her on the left breast and broke four of my fingers.
We got a flat tire. She pumped
and I pumped, she pumped and I pumped. Then we got out and fixed the tire.
When we got back to my clients
house she invited me in for a root beer. The root was nice but the beer was
flat.
I was giving her a goodnight kiss
but she closed her legs and broke my glasses.
Bumper Sticker Quote
The fastest way to a fisherman's
heart is through his fly.
Dave and Robin (a BLONDE) are
having sex and Robin asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?"
Dave replies, "No."
Robin responds,
"Oh, thank God for that!! I
don't want to get that again!"
Q.
What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A.
Both need a hoe to stay in business.
METALLURGIST
A man who can look at a platinum
blonde and tell
whether she is virgin metal or a
common ore.
The Chat Room
was sitting in chat room,
Feeling mildly amused,
When I saw something strange,
That left me all confused.
Someone typed a word,
(As far as I could tell)
But I had never seen it.
What is an LOL?
Then the plot got thicker,
More words I didn't know,
A person started typing,
The word LMAO.
I sat there in amazement,
I felt like a dumb toad.
Could it be, these people,
Were speaking in a code?
That's when I looked closer.
And found the subtle clue.
I figured out this code
And I'll share it now, with you.
LOL is three little words,
That seem, to me, quite shady.
The words, "Lean Over Lady"?
LMAO, was more obscure,
It made me sweat my socks!
LMAO is a command,
Meaning, "Leave Me Alone, Ox!"
ROFL was harder still,
I found it rather sickening.
It's a discreet way to say,
"Ready Only For Licking!"
I can't believe that AOL and
YAHOO, Would let this code exist! To them I say,
YOMSL
Meaning,
"You're On My Shit List!
Grownup Crayons LOL
Did you hear about the
proctologist who went to see the psychiatrist about his depression?
He'd been feeling down in the
dumps!
A female reporter was conducting
an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea
what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only
screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of
information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the
cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting,
but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm
playing with your tits twice a day,
but only screwing you once a
year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
The American Medical Association
commissioned a study recently about osteoporosis. The study, done by a group of
researchers at a California medical research laboratory, released a list of
foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dread disorder that
leaches calcium from the bones as people age.
A distinguished scientist was
making the announcement and giving the highlights
of the list at a conference that
was covered by the local NBC TV news affiliate. Broccoli and cauliflower were
there on the list, and the researchers also encourage regular exercise, such as
walking, running, cycling or swimming to prevent
calcium loss from the bones. But,
one woman reporter, reading ahead, stood up in the front row and asked, "You've
got kissing on the list as a way to prevent osteoporosis! There isn't any
calcium in a kiss!"
The scientist replied calmly, "In
a good kiss, there's enough calcium to make a bone about 6 inches long."
A Californian doctor examining a
young blonde woman with abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active.
She said that she wasn't.
A later examination showed that
she was pregnant. Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the
blonde replied I'm not, I just lie there!
When asked if she knew who the
father was, with a puzzled look she replied,
"No. Who?"
~ ~ CACTUS LINKS~ ~
Search Bastard FAQ
http://www.imgag.com/product/full/ap/3067907/graphic1.swf
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
The most enjoyable form of sex
education is the Braille method.
Mrs. Jones went to see her
doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from
a discharge.
He instructed her to get
undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so....
The doctor put on rubber gloves
and began to massage her "private parts."
After a couple of minutes he
asked,
"How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but
the discharge is from my ear."
It wasn't too long ago that most
men dreaded getting old because they knew it would be the end of their sexual
power. But now through the miracle of modern medicine, couples are having sex
well into their 70s and 80s. I even seen an advertisement for edible panties
fortified with calcium in Playboy last week.
Harry did like he always does,
kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he
wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in
my bedroom?......and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the
man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead?
I don't want to die.....I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to
send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said
St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own."
Harry thought about it for a
while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a
nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want
to return as a hen." Harry replied.
And in the next second, he found
himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now he felt like his
rear end was gonna blow... then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on
the farm," he said. "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it
feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the
rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg
before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry
asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push
all you can."
Harry clucked twice, and pushed
more than he was good for, and then plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Harry said "that felt
really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that
there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he
heard his wife shout: "Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're shitting all over
the bed!"
When a teenage girl smiles at a
boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.
When a young lady smiles at a man
in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.
But when a female of any age
smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped.
"Peanuts, popcorn, prophylactics."
An elderly couple sat through a
porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to
close for the night.
"You folks must've enjoyed the
show," the usher said.
"Disgusting," said the old lady.
"It was revolting," her husband added.
"Then why did you sit through it
twice?" the usher asks.
"We had to wait until you turned
up the house lights," the old lady replied.
"We couldn't find my panties,
and his teeth were in them!"
LOL
A blonde walks up to a guy in a
blue bathing suit and says,
"Did you know your eyes match
your swim trunks?"
He says, "Why? Are my eyes
bulging?"
Hope you had a good time
Tribe.
Until we meet again.....
Hugs...
Trish
Bill The Chief Campfire, Adult Comedy, Adult Humor, Fun Links |