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Love Shack
52's
Hello Tribe
Time to break out the smiles.
Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you. This morning I stopped reading.
A young girl with a very bad speech impediment was sent to the fish market by her mother to buy 4 pounds of mackerel.
No matter how hard she tried she was unable to make the clerk understand what she wanted.
In desperation, she took off her panties and rubbed them furiously between her legs. She then shoved the soiled panties under the nose of the clerk who yelled
"HOLY MACKEREL!"
"Right!" says the girl.
"Now give me four pounds please."
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.
LINKS
Wassup, Grandma! - A Funny Movie From Humor Haus!
http://www.bleacheatingfreaks.com/translate.php?page=762
(If she gets stuck, just give her a little nudge )
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing
A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself,
"I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
It had been almost a year since her last check up at the clinic, and after her exam was over, JoAnn met her girlfriend for lunch.
She was complaining about the young new gynecologist that had replaced the old doc that had finally retired.
Her girlfriend asked Jo what didn't she like about the new one, and Jo said it just was different.
Well the friend said, was the older doc more professional in his demeanor or something ?.
JoAnn, lost in thought said, " No ", then mumbled, "but his hands use to shake !"
Q: What is the difference between a microwave and a gay male's lifestyle?
A: The microwave won't brown your meat.
"I think one reason they call them "Relaxed Fit" jeans is that,
"Ass The Size of Texas," jeans would not sell very well."
Betty , the blonde, said "I'm breaking up with Bob!", to her friend Jenny.
"Are you crazy ? Bob is a hunk and a smart guy!", said Jenny.
Betty responded.
"Last night Bob broke down and told me he was bisexual, and who wants to screw just twice a year ???"
Last time I visited my daughter in Beverly Hills, I decided to take in the scene at over at Venice Beach to see if it was a wacky as I've heard. I was walking along the beach when a mini-skirted Valley Girl that appeared to be completely on some other planet wiggled up to me and said, "Like, hey man, I want you to totally screw my brains out."
"Sorry," I felt obligated to reply, "but I'm not into quickies."
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had
an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said,
"You have the crabs".
She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs
because she was an eighty-year-old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him.
The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs".
"No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin." Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said,
"Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch.
Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty-year-old virgin.
It cannot be the crabs." The doctor said, "Jump on the table and let's have a look."
After examining, the doctor proclaimed,
"Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is so old, you have fruit flies."
I was driving my car down a side street the other day when all of a sudden, this cat jumped out in front of me. I hit the brakes, but I heard a thump, so I stopped.
There was the cat lying right in the road. It was still alive, but I apparently had run over its tail and the force of the tire had cut it off.
A lady came running out of a house screaming, "You killed my cat!"
I told her, "No, he's OK, except for the tail, and I'll fix that." I went into the trunk of my car and got out a roll of duct tape and taped the cat's tail back on.
The lady immediately blushed and called the cops. A cop showed up and immediately gave me a ticket.
Boy, was I pissed off. I had to go to court, and was convicted. What a bummer. All for retailing pussy in a residential area!
A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap.
After he struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says,
"You wanna screwdriver?"
He says, "Hell, we might as well. I can't get this freaking
hubcap off."
Little Johnny asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother
Little Johnny answered " The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."
There are thousands of sex phone lines for men but only a few for women. This is because if a women wants someone to talk dirty to her she can
just go drive in traffic.
Q. Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
A. She was strapped for cash.
A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental prostitute and asks? "Is it true Asian women have vaginas that run sideways?"
"Why?" she asks, "Are you a harmonica player?"
The wondrously stacked blonde appeared at her door in a strapless evening gown that defied gravity. "Terrific!" said her admiring escort. "I don't see what holds that dress up!"
"Play your cards right, dear, and you will," she murmured.
One ovary says to the other one. "Did you order any furniture?"
"no, why?", replied the other.
"Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."
Things I've learned I've learned - that you can keep puking after you think you're finished.
I've learned - that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned - that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I've learned - that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned - to say "fuck them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
Did you hear about the women who went fishing with a group of men?
she came back with a red snapper!
President Bush addressed a gathering of the American Indian Nation in New York State. He spoke for an hour on his future plans for increasing the Native American's standard of living. He affirmed that as President he had supported every Indian issue that came before him. The President was vague on details of his plan, although he was enthusiastic about future ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers."
At the conclusion of his speech, the chief presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - "Walking Eagle."
President Bush then proudly departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. The press closed in on the chief:
News reporter: "Chief, could you tell us why you selected that Indian name for President Bush?"
Chief: "Walking Eagle is a name given to a bird so full of crap it cannot fly."
From an Old Redd Foxx Routine:
A man and a woman are driving home from a date. The man stops the car,
and the woman says:
"Oh no, you aren't going to pull the "out of gas"
routine!"
The man says,
"No, it's the "hereafter" routine. If you're not here
after what I'm here after, then you're going to be here after I'm gone."
Synomyms For Masterbation.
Having a session with the wise master
Hand start the one eyed yogurt thrower
Memory Bank Spank
Getting jiggy with it
Cleaning the snorkel
Mugging the Kojak Doll
Giving flipper a backrub
Making pudding'
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Making sewer babies
Dating the palm sisters
Cocking the Gun
Filling up the belly button well
Conditioning the leather
Rubbing one off
Satisfying King Solomon
Hang The Hamster
5 Digit Disco
Rocking the lil' man in the boat
The disappearing cigar trick
Male polishing the stinger
Checking the tweeters
Shaking hands with the wife's wedding present
Launching the heat seeking moisture missile
Filleting the trouser trout
Jerking my Johnson
Tribe....I hope something brought a smile to your face.
Enjoy
Trish
The end
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